Wednesday, April 15, 2009

The Controlling Leader

Here is a list of characteristics of a controlling leader:

*Preoccupied with his own needs being met, while the needs of his subordinates are ignored

*Preoccupied with looking good, labors to keep up appearances

*Seeks honorific titles and special privileges that elevates him above the group

*Promotes a class system with himself at the top

*Demands loyalty and honor

*Speaks often of his authority, constantly reminding everyone that he is in charge

*Stifles any criticism that puts him in a bad light

*Majors on minor issues and neglects the truly important ones

*Speech is vague and confusing when he is defending himself

*Feels the need to embellish the truth and make things appear more or less grand than they really are

*Speaks out boldly on wrong behavior, even when involved in that same behavior

*Believes people are extremely bad or wonderful, depending on the amount of support offered to him

*Motivated by greed

*Impressed with material goods and those who have them

*Fears sexual inadequacy

*Feels he is owed something

*Lives in a false world where he is convinced he is right

*Surrounds himself with people who are insecure and easily swayed

*Manipulates others using guilt, shame, and remorse

*Tries to come across confident in an attempt to cover up his insecurity

*Blames others for his own failures

*Is not involved in any accountable relationships and has no intimate relationships

*When in a bind he will ask for forgiveness and appear sincere in doing so

*Fears not measuring up or losing his image

*Needs professional help


searching said...

sounds like someone I know!

Anonymous said...

-Also causes those that have been around him to need professional help.

Set Free said...

That's a good one! Thanks for adding it.

Aida said...

Good list. Again I could see my former pastor in it.

The Cult Next Door said...

So much my abusive pastor!
When she had pushed the limit- she would tearfully 'beg' forgiveness- then she was back to her old tricks the next day.
Great post- thanks

Set Free said...

I know what you mean. One day my former pastor stood in the pulpit and cried and said he was going to be a better pastor. He said he would be there for us anytime and we could come and talk to him anytime. (He should have been there for us all along.) That lasted about a week and then he was back to the old ways again - being too good to be among us or talk to us.

Anonymous said...

I am not certain of your personal identity, but I THANK YOU for providing this resource. I personally know of 3 churches that are currently experiencing this, all 3 are in different states. Abuse of authority has indeed become an epidemic.. and unfortunately it is not only in the corporate world, but also the church, where accountability should be at it's prime. This is a devastation for many people who may interpret this betrayal as God Himself forsaking them. On a very personal note, my husband and myself are currently in the beginning stages of recovering from having to leave our church home of 20 years; and we can very much identify with what you have posted.

We are thankful that God's ways are not man's ways, and even though we are heartbroken, we thank Him for the privilege of serving Him, and look forward to doing so one day in the future, when this season of rest and recovery and healing is happily completed.
Thank You again.

Set Free said...

To anonymous,
I know of several churches that mirror this same type of abuse and control also. I hope that the truth comes out so the dear, innocent people who are there will see and get out. It's really sad! I too believe it is an epidemic that not many people are aware of. That is why I continue to add this type of information on my blog.

I was part of my church for over 20years so I know it isn't easy for you to leave, but it will be the best decision you have ever made. You will see more and more of the truth as you get further away from the situation. You will begin to ask yourself, "How did I not see this sooner?" Take your time and don't put a time limit on yourself for recovery. It may happen quickly or it may take years. There are days when I don't even think about it any more, but in the beginning it was mind consuming. But I just tried to remind myself that God was not what these people had made him out to be. I didn't push myself, I just tried to think about his love.

Thanks for the comment.