I have had certain times in my life when I have just needed to talk to someone. There were times I went to my former pastor for counsel and I would enter the appointment so nervous I could hardly speak. I would leave feeling so dumb and inadequate and I would say to myself, "I'm never going to do that again!" I asked the pastor one time why people get so nervous and get their words all fumbled up when they try to talk to the him. I was told it was because of the anointing on him. During my questioning phase, this scenario came up to me and I had to ask myself the question, "Would the Holy Spirit really make me feel this way? Does His presence make you feel nervous? After all, isn't He the Comforter?"
If you feel like you need to talk to someone, it's okay. Don't feel for one minute that it makes you weak or needy to need counsel. Proverbs 11:14 says, "Where no counsel is, the people fall: but in the multitude of counselors there is safety." You can always talk to Jesus and find your answers in the Bible. There are also counselors, pastors, and friends who will listen to you and be kind and compassionate.
If you have been in a hurtful situation, don't hold it all in and become bitter. That will only hurt you. Find someone to talk to about it. I also encourage you to do some research of your own. It will make you feel better to read about others who have been through the same situation. It shows you that you are not crazy and you are not alone. I read a great book by David Johnson and Jeff Van Vonderen called 'The Subtle Power of Spiritual Abuse.' (Don't let that title scare you. You will be amazed at what's in there.)
I also want to encourage you to forgive the people who have wronged you. I know that is easier said than done, but at least try to make that your goal. I read something in a book the other day that helped me so much and I want to share it with you. It was a new way for me to look at forgiveness.
"Forgiveness does not require you to pretend that what a person did never happened and it in no way requires that you trust the one you forgive. Forgiveness does not create a relationship. Unless people speak the truth about what they have done and change their mind and behavior, a relationship of trust is not possible. Forgiveness does not excuse anything. Forgiveness is not about forgetting. Forgiveness releases you from something that will eat you alive; that will destroy your joy and ability to love fully and openly. Don't let the anger and pain and loss you feel prevent you from forgiving. You may have to declare your forgiveness a hundred times the first day and the second day, but the third day will be less and each day after, until one day you will realized that you have forgiven completely." (William P. Young)
I hope the things I have shared are helpful and will bring some light to these matters. It's so important that our eyes be open to things that have hurt us so we will never find ourselves in these situations again. But we must also do whatever it takes to start moving past these things. I know these are things that will take time and we can't just "get over them" as easily as some would make you think. I know the emotions you are having. One day you are upset and want to cry. The next day you are mad - mad at those who have hurt you and also mad at yourself for staying in the situation for so long. Talk to someone, if you need to. If you still have questions, do whatever it takes to get your answers. Start by sincerely asking God what the truth is and what His will for your life is. And then forgive those who have hurt you so you can move on with your life. That doesn't mean you have to embrace them. Just forgive them. This will take time, so don't be hard on yourself when you have hard days.
It will be hard not to focus on the abuse you have been through, but try to focus on the fact that we have a wonderful life ahead of us - filled with God, love, and friendship. God wants us to walk in freedom and He wants us to know that what really matters in life is loving Him and loving people.
*My saying is based upon Matthew 22:37-39, "Jesus said, You must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your mind. This is the first and greatest commandment. A second is equally important: Love your neighbor as yourself."