I haven't written a post in a while, but I stay connected with my blog on a regular basis. I always respond to comments and I check to see which posts people seem to be reading. It's very interesting that most people find my blog by googling words such as controlling, manipulative people and narcissistic pastors. I think there are a lot more people dealing with this than we know.
I received a heart wrenching comment yesterday on a post titled, "The Controlling, Abusive Pastor," and I want to share it with you.
"These are some of the qualities that my pastor has too. He keeps threatening that anybody who leaves the church without his decision would die and go to hell and God himself would take vengeance against such a member. I feel I'm into spiritual slavery . I have felt many times that he has manipulated scripture to meet his selfish motives. Now he wants me to move closer to his house so that he can control me more (though he gives different excuses). There are forced covenants that he has made us take regarding a business that the church should start. We are only 6 members and it's a home church. I'm frustrated and can not even talk back for the fear of speaking against authority. There are times when I thought suicide would be a way out. But suicide I believe would be a direct ticket to hell so I don't dare to take such a step. On the other hand I want to fulfill the plan and purpose for which God has sent me to the world. I'm crying out to the Lord to help me. Can I ask you guys for prayers though."
This comment greatly concerned me and this is why my blog is so important to me. Once again I see the effects and the devastation that being under a controlling leader has on people and I hope something I say can help. This dear person is suffering under the hand of a man who calls himself a pastor but is so far from what a true pastor really is. I hope the person who left this comment finds the courage to leave this ungodly control and find peace.
This "pastor," and many others like him, use fear and manipulation to keep people under their rule. They go to extremes by saying that bad things will happen to you and your family if you leave. You have to realize they are just bullies and you must not allow them to manipulate you. They only want to use you so they can have their own selfish way. It's never been and never will be about what is best for you. It's all about what will benefit him - the selfish pastor. When people who call themselves leaders treat people this way, it is the total OPPOSITE of the way God treats people.
Being under a controlling leader strips you of who you are. It takes away your voice and you find yourself living only to please the leader. You lay aside your own wants and dreams to fulfill his. That is NOT what was intended for your life! When a man takes control over you in the name of God it's wrong. God Himself doesn't even take control over us. He gave us our free will to choose. How can a man claiming to be a voice for God do something that even God can't do? The answer is...he can't unless we allow him to. We have to be strong and stand up to these kind of controlling people and say enough is enough. And be warned...when a pastor says if you speak against him you are speaking against authority, he is hiding something. No one person is higher than another and when a pastor tries to make you feel lower than he is, he is a narcissist with wrong motives.
To the person who wrote this comment, I hope you read this post and realize that you need to run from this situation. It's unhealthy and it is sucking the very life out of you. I know it's hard, but God will give you the courage. I have been there and I had to stand up and take my life back from a controlling, narcissistic tyrant. Being in this type of situation only hurts you and no good will come from it. Your life is basically on hold until you free yourself. You can truly start to live again when you get out from under the control. I hope you find your voice and start to enjoy your life. You have a friend in me and I would love to talk to you. You can get through this. I did and I know of many others who have too. You are not alone.
If there are others who have a word of encouragement for this hurting person, please feel free to comment here.