Wednesday, March 2, 2011

Once Again, I See The Effects Of Control

Hey friends,
I haven't written a post in a while, but I stay connected with my blog on a regular basis. I always respond to comments and I check to see which posts people seem to be reading. It's very interesting that most people find my blog by googling words such as controlling, manipulative people and narcissistic pastors. I think there are a lot more people dealing with this than we know.

I received a heart wrenching comment yesterday on a post titled, "The Controlling, Abusive Pastor," and I want to share it with you.

"These are some of the qualities that my pastor has too. He keeps threatening that anybody who leaves the church without his decision would die and go to hell and God himself would take vengeance against such a member. I feel I'm into spiritual slavery . I have felt many times that he has manipulated scripture to meet his selfish motives. Now he wants me to move closer to his house so that he can control me more (though he gives different excuses). There are forced covenants that he has made us take regarding a business that the church should start. We are only 6 members and it's a home church. I'm frustrated and can not even talk back for the fear of speaking against authority. There are times when I thought suicide would be a way out. But suicide I believe would be a direct ticket to hell so I don't dare to take such a step. On the other hand I want to fulfill the plan and purpose for which God has sent me to the world. I'm crying out to the Lord to help me. Can I ask you guys for prayers though."

This comment greatly concerned me and this is why my blog is so important to me. Once again I see the effects and the devastation that being under a controlling leader has on people and I hope something I say can help. This dear person is suffering under the hand of a man who calls himself a pastor but is so far from what a true pastor really is. I hope the person who left this comment finds the courage to leave this ungodly control and find peace.

This "pastor," and many others like him, use fear and manipulation to keep people under their rule. They go to extremes by saying that bad things will happen to you and your family if you leave. You have to realize they are just bullies and you must not allow them to manipulate you. They only want to use you so they can have their own selfish way. It's never been and never will be about what is best for you. It's all about what will benefit him - the selfish pastor. When people who call themselves leaders treat people this way, it is the total OPPOSITE of the way God treats people.

Being under a controlling leader strips you of who you are. It takes away your voice and you find yourself living only to please the leader. You lay aside your own wants and dreams to fulfill his. That is NOT what was intended for your life! When a man takes control over you in the name of God it's wrong. God Himself doesn't even take control over us. He gave us our free will to choose. How can a man claiming to be a voice for God do something that even God can't do? The answer is...he can't unless we allow him to. We have to be strong and stand up to these kind of controlling people and say enough is enough. And be warned...when a pastor says if you speak against him you are speaking against authority, he is hiding something. No one person is higher than another and when a pastor tries to make you feel lower than he is, he is a narcissist with wrong motives.

To the person who wrote this comment, I hope you read this post and realize that you need to run from this situation. It's unhealthy and it is sucking the very life out of you. I know it's hard, but God will give you the courage. I have been there and I had to stand up and take my life back from a controlling, narcissistic tyrant. Being in this type of situation only hurts you and no good will come from it. Your life is basically on hold until you free yourself. You can truly start to live again when you get out from under the control. I hope you find your voice and start to enjoy your life. You have a friend in me and I would love to talk to you. You can get through this. I did and I know of many others who have too. You are not alone.

If there are others who have a word of encouragement for this hurting person, please feel free to comment here.


Anonymous said...

To the person who wrote the comment, I want to encourage you to get away from that church and pastor. I attended a chruch like that at one time and while you are in the midst of it all you can't see the truth but I can say with certainty when leave you will see how bad it was. You deserve more than this.

Anonymous said...

This is sad, but true. I have heard of more than one that has felt the only way out is to take drastic measures. Life is too short and too important to let a jerk like this pastor control you. Get out!

searching said...

To the person who left this comment,
The pastor you discribe is nothing like a true pastor. Jesus was the Great Shepherd. He was a humble gentleman. He never forced His will or rule on anyone, not even His disciples. He served them, loved them and allowed them to make their own decisions. He also never allowed anyone to rule His decisions. The Bible says we are ALL kings and priests. We all have the Holy Spirit on the inside of us it we have accepted Jesus as out savior and are born again. We are all annointed. Just walk away, I have seen so many lives ruined by a controlling pastor. Don't let yours be one of them. You are God's child, not a pastor's. Don't allow anyone but God be a parent to you. He will take very good care of you.

Set Free said...

I received an email today from the person who wrote this comment and I am happy to report that he left his church. I am so glad he found the courage to walk away and find freedom!

Anonymous said...

thank you for posting this. Although I saw the light just over 2 years ago & left the controlling abusive pastor I was under, I recently received news of someone that left at the same time & for the same reason I did has decided that the bad things that happened to them were because they left that church & so now they're going back. Sounds like fear to me along with manipulation from some of their friends still in the church. I appreciate your blog. Thanks.

Anonymous said...

I just found your blog and read this post. That sounds like the pastor of a church that my best friend used to go to. His church is down to about six people now too, mainly relatives. He is controlling and stills tries to control the people that left the church. He tries to find out where they go to church now. I suppose he wants to leverage that to make their lives miserable. I do not blame my friend for having a hard time looking for another church after having endured that church!

Melissa said...

It is difficult going through the healing process after coming out of such a church. I find it more difficult to trust others and question my own judgement more than ever. Thankfully we are on the road to recovery from this situation.

Melissa said...

Good for you for breaking free from the church. We have found though even after leaving there are mindsets and things that we are having to continually allow God to help set us free from. It makes it difficult to trust others and to even trust your own judgement after dealing with this kind of situation. It is a process though, be patient with yourself and trust that God can help get you through.